Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Service Submission Series: Service and the Single Submissive

It can be difficult or perhaps challenging for a domestic service submissive to gain experience or to practice skills if he or she is single or unowned.  Certainly, it is easy enough to practice certain skills that might be relevant in the personal or home environment - cleaning, ironing, cooking, household budget maintenance - but it is difficult to serve oneself.  It is also difficult to practice a scene to see if certain ideas or concepts play out as expected when one is a solitary submissive or servant.

So - what's the answer?

Well, there are a few options available.

First, and a personal favourite of mine, is freelancing.  This is the method of offering service to really anyone, on either side of the D/s slash, to gain experience, to practice skills, and to demonstrate skills in person.  My preferred approach is, while in my service outfit - which is highlighted by wearing white or black cotton gloves - to stand by, unobtrusively, with my serving tray, and wait until someone makes contact.  This can be a risky approach because there is the assumption that someone will be courageous enough to ask what you are offering.  I have employed this approach in a play party setting and I have had success.  

I have been approached by both Tops and bottoms - for some, they have a butler fetish, so the gloves are particularly tantalizing; in another case, I was approached by a bottom who was enquiring on behalf of her Dominant.  In a play party setting, it may be difficult to demonstrate all of your skills, or a particular skill, but you are able to demonstrate a willingness to attend to the needs of another, or the ability to follow direction in an efficient, humble and intelligent manner.  This demonstration could open doors or create possibilities later on.

There are a few bonuses or perks associated with freelance, such as variety of play.  So, after an hour or evening of service, if you have pleased the person you are serving, you may be asked if you might be interested in some power exchange play - after appropriate discussion and negotiation of course.  The perk to this being, if the person has much experience in an area of play you are particularly interested in, you get to indulge in a favourite style of play with someone who not only enjoys this style of play, but also someone who has expertise in the area.  This can be a huge bonus if you are having difficulty finding a partner who may have the same interests as you.  Another bonus being, the power exchange relationship only lasts for a fixed amount of time - perhaps for an evening or a weekend.  Perhaps after some time, you realize that you and the person you are serving are not a good fit, for whatever reason, not a problem, you are not committed to each other outside of current, negotiated exchange.

A second option available to the 'unemployed' domestic submissive is to offer service to a BDSM friend.  It may be in the form of attending a Top friend for the evening at an event, or assisting a bottom friend at home.  In both cases, it is a great opportunity to practice a certain skill set that you may not be able to practice alone or in your own home.  It is also a great opportunity to get honest feedback.  Perhaps it is your first time being a body servant, or perhaps you are attempting to fix a meal for the first time, a critique, be it negative or positive, always sounds better when given by a friend.  This is also a great time to try out new ideas to see if these imagined methodologies are feasible or practical.  You get real time experience without a scene or service opportunity possibly going south.

If you don't have a friend in the local BDSM community to practice with, perhaps you could advertise for a volunteer at a local BDSM gathering or on a BDSM oriented posting board.  Explain that it would be a practical run through opportunity and outline exactly what you wish to try.  As with rope and corporal play, you will find there will friendly folk who are willing to be a demo dolly for you - especially if you offer a hand or foot massage for your volunteer.  You again have someone who can provide feedback, as well as creating a real time environment where you can walk through your envisioned scenario.

Lastly, for certain skill sets, invite friends or family over - especially in the case of entertaining.  Perhaps you want to practice setting a formal place setting and serving a multi-course meal, invite over your family or friends for a meal.  You need not explain or go into details about the purpose of the meal, other than you enjoy entertaining, but it is an opportunity to hone your skills or keep your skills in good shape.  In the same vein, if you are particularly interested in cleaning and organizing, you can volunteer whenever a friend or acquaintance needs help with a project, or if they might be moving, or they could just really use someone to tackle the bathroom - as an example.

Even if you might be an unowned or unemployed or unpartnered domestic service submissive, this is not a hindrance to furthering your skills or polishing your current talents.  There are still possibilities available to you to gain experience or to keep your abilities sharp and in shape, it just might require a little creative brainstorming - but that's what we do best is it not?

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