Service Submission Series: How Not To Be A Service Black Hole

One of the misconceptions of service submission is service means free labour.  Service, has a cost - both seen and unseen - and it can be calculated.

Easy enough - the costs that can be seen.  Performing service requires making purchases - gas in the car to squire a Top around, or to run errands, or to arrive at their doorstep to perform whatever duties are necessary.  In my own experience, it costs to have a supply of towels and facecloths for massage; to purchase the raw materials to put together a feast (large or small); to purchase the clothing to set the scene or create the fantasy.  It costs to have a supply of oils, spices, salts (yes, there is more than one type of salt), ‘leftover’ wine that quietly sits turning to vinegar etc.  The unseen costs include training - workshops, classes, courses, seminars, online or paper print materials; taking time away from oneself or others to take care of the needs of the Top in question; and what can be the greatest cost of all, the expending of emotional energy expended by the submissive to perform the service.

When a service is performed, it is not merely a pair of boots being shined, or a floor being moped, or a body part being rubbed.  Performing service is a physical manifestation of love - with every sweep of the broom, with every kilometre driven, with every piece of laundry folded - that submissive is showing such care, attention and love for the Top they are servicing.  It is saying “I respect you, I believe you are deserving of my very best, I care for you, I hope I please you, I feel you are worthy of what I have to give”.  This isn’t the romantic variety of love, but more an expression of the bond that exists between community or lifestyle members.

Blessed is the service submissive who can just perform service without any reward - that would be the ideal - someone who could attend to the needs of another over and over without having their own needs seen to.  While every ‘thank - you’ and compliment is appreciated and cherished, there needs to be something given back in the power exchange to feed the soul.  Otherwise, over time, that submissive is just giving their power away, and that can be draining - there must be some form of reciprocity.  If you call on a service submissive over and over again to do your bidding, and you take from them but do not give in return, you are a service black hole.  Words of thanks are again very much appreciated, but at times something must be given in return to feed the desires and needs of the submissive.

Good service submissives are not easily found - it takes time to hone skills, develop talents, inspire creativity, polish abilities.  That is not even counting the other traits that are most important - honesty, being a good communicator, dependability, attentiveness to detail, creativity, being a problem solver.  All of this is not forged over night, so why would you want to contribute to ruining a good or great service submissive by setting up an unequal power dynamic?  They have offered what they are willing to give - dinner on the table, a massage, a car ride, a shopping trip - what are you willing to ante up to not only create a balanced exchange, but to foster the emotional and mental health of this rare breed of submissive?

If I offer to serve someone, I do so either knowing it will be a one way exchange, or I do so because I am already receiving something in return.  With the one sided exchange, I will enter into the exchange because of my esteem for the other person, because it might be a one off, because it might be for an event, because it might be a favour, or because the other person might just really need someone to show them a little kindness.  With Dominant friends, I do so because my relationship with them already feeds a part of me.  If I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to attend or care for them, I do it out of affection, love, out of the platonic bond we share.  Plus, it’s a good, safe environment to practice my skills or try something new without harsh judgement or ridicule.  If a stranger were to approach me for service, I would very much inclined to attend them if they included in the negotiation something to the effect of ‘And I am willing to offer X in exchange’.  Nothing turns me off faster than a ‘do me and that should be your reward’ type Dominant.

Altruism while a commendable goal, is not attainable - not by any human.  The expectation that a submissive can give their power away infinitely, without something in return is unrealistic.  Play, funishment, sex, cuddles - there must be some reward offered that truly acknowledges the gifts given and feeds the wants and desires of the submissive.  Service is rewarding, but it is not a means unto itself.  It is what we do, what we offer, how we show our love - and feeding love allows it to grow, stronger and deeper.

Do not be a service black hole - be a service patron - nurture the gift of service when you see it to ensure it does not become extinct, and to encourage this behaviour in future generations.

Service Submission Series: The Importance of a Service CV

Just as a professional Curriculum Vitae is your statement of qualifications when job hunting, a service CV can outline your skills and expertise in regards to domestic service.

As with a professional CV, you might want to start with your contact information - name, email, contact number.  Feel free to use some sort of moniker or nickname should you need to keep your identity private.  It would be best to then list skills, such as small home repair, laundry and ironing, silverware care, body service - now, for a term like body service, as it can be taken to mean sexual attention or non-sexual attention, you might want to expand on what kind of talents you mean exactly.  Next, it would probably be best to list any experience you have - such as “Served as butler periodically for a Master for two years”.  It probably wouldn’t benefit to name any names, in fact, it might hinder you as the mark of a good domestic servant is keeping your lips sealed.  Lastly, it would be of benefit to list any titles or competitions you might have been in, for the reason that competing in leather or BDSM competitions requires dedication, hard work, and effort, which are skills you definitely want to want to display.

As an appendix, I would list your limits and interests, and for some, even your safe word.  It need not be extensive, for instance - you need not necessarily list every corporal play implement you enjoy, perhaps just list corporal play.  I would indeed list hard limits, but again, keep this brief.  The benefit of this being that should you be in a situation where you are able to offer service, either at that present moment or at a future time, should the power exchange partner you are speaking with care to engage in a play situation with you after service, they will be acquainted with your likes, dislikes, and most importantly, your limits.

At this point, you could also list references, but that really is a personal choice.  Every BDSM community is different, so it may or may not be of benefit to have references.

Here is a brief, fictitious example of what a service CV could look like:

Domestic Service Curriculum Vitae

Name: Majordomo

Email: majordomo@email.com

Contact Number: 555-4444

Skills:

Household budgeting, cooking, laundry and bed linens, light dusting and cleaning, ironing, small household repairs, body service.

Experience:

Served as live-in steward for Top couple for 2.5 years.  

- Duties included: Managing household budget to include purchasing groceries and cleaning supplies, running errands, meal preparation and planning, planning private events and functions, supervising other domestics - both within and without the BDSM community, care of Masters’ wardrobe.

Body servant - ongoing

- Duties include: Providing bathing and massage services to a regular cadre of power exchange clients.  Sessions suited to their personal requirements - all non-sexual.

Titles:

- Runner up in 2010 IMsL (International Ms Leather) competition

Appendix

Likes:

- Fire play, fire cupping, electrostimulation play, corporal play, penetrative play.

Hard Limits:

- Scat, play involving biological animals or children, blood play, sharps.

Safeword: Unicorn