It can be difficult or perhaps challenging for a domestic service s-type to gain experience or to practice skills if he/she/they is single or unowned. Certainly, it is easy enough to practice certain skills that might be relevant in the personal or home environment - cleaning, ironing, cooking, household budget maintenance - but it is difficult to serve oneself. It is also difficult to practice a scene to see if certain ideas or concepts play out as expected when one is a solitary service s-type.
So - what's the answer?
Well, there are a few options available.
First, and a personal favourite of mine, is freelancing. This is the method of offering service to really anyone, on either side of the D/s slash, to gain experience, to practice skills, and to demonstrate skills in person. My preferred approach is, while in my service outfit - which is highlighted by wearing white or black cotton gloves - to stand by, unobtrusively, with my serving tray, and wait until someone makes contact. This can be a risky approach because there is the assumption that someone will be courageous enough to ask what you are offering, or to recognize that you are available and willing to offer service. I have employed this approach in a play party setting and I have had some success.
I have been approached by both Dominants/Tops and s-types - for some, they have a butler fetish, so the gloves are particularly tantalizing; in another case, I was approached by a bottom who was inquiring on behalf of her Dominant. In a play party setting, it may be difficult to demonstrate all of your skills, or a particular skill, but you are able to demonstrate a willingness to attend to the needs of another, or the ability to follow direction in an efficient, humble, and intelligent manner. This demonstration could open doors or create possibilities later on.
There are a few bonuses or perks associated with freelance, such as variety of play. So, after an hour or evening of service, if you have pleased the person you are serving, you may be asked if you might be interested in some power exchange play - after appropriate discussion and negotiation of course. The perk to this being, if the person has much experience in an area of play you are particularly interested in, you get to indulge in a favourite style of play with someone who not only enjoys this style of play, but also someone who has expertise in the area. This can be a huge bonus if you are having difficulty finding a partner who may have the same interests as you. Another bonus being, the power exchange relationship only lasts for a fixed amount of time - perhaps for an evening or a weekend. Perhaps after some time, you realize that you and the person you are serving are not a good fit, for whatever reason. Not a problem, you are not committed to each other outside of current, negotiated exchange. This is not a guarantee though, so if your motivation for offering service is in anticipation of being played with, I am afraid you will end up disappointed quite often.
A second option available to the 'unemployed' service s-type is to offer service to a BDSM oriented friend. It may be in the form of attending a Top friend for the evening at an event, or assisting a bottom friend at home. In both cases, it is a great opportunity to practice a certain skill set that you may not be able to practice alone or in your own home. It is also a great opportunity to get honest feedback. Perhaps it is your first time being a body servant, or perhaps you are attempting to fix a meal for the first time. A critique, be it negative or positive, always sounds better when given by a friend. This is also a great time to try out new ideas to see if these imagined methodologies are feasible or practical. You get real time experience without a scene or service opportunity possibly going south.
If you don't have a friend in the local BDSM community to practice with, perhaps you could advertise for a volunteer at a local BDSM gathering or on a BDSM oriented posting board. Explain that it would be a practical run through opportunity and outline exactly what you wish to try, and explicitly negotiate or detail the framing of this exchange. As with rope and corporal play, you will find there will friendly folk who are willing to be a demo dolly for you - especially if you offer a hand or foot massage for your volunteer. You again have someone who can provide feedback, as well as creating a real time environment where you can walk through your envisioned scenario.
Lastly, for certain skill sets, invite friends or family over - especially in the case of entertaining. Perhaps you want to practice setting a formal place setting and serving a multi-course meal, invite over your family or friends for a meal. You need not explain or go into details about the purpose of the meal, other than you enjoy entertaining, but it is an opportunity to hone your skills or keep your skills in good shape. In the same vein, if you are particularly interested in cleaning and organizing, you can volunteer whenever a friend or acquaintance needs help with a project, or if they might be moving, or they could just really use someone to tackle the bathroom - as an example.
Even if you might be an unowned or unemployed or unpartnered domestic service s-type, this is not a hindrance to furthering your skills or polishing your current talents. There are still possibilities available to you to gain experience or to keep your abilities sharp and in shape, it just might require a little creative brainstorming - but that's what we do best is it not?
For a Dominant, it is equally important to get practice with receiving service, in fact, receiving different forms of service - that appeal to the Dominant in question of course. If a Dominant doesn’t enjoy having his or her feet touched, then there’s no point in participating in such an activity - again, service should be pleasing, easing, and should make life happier.
The ideas for s-types to gain experience/knowledge are similar for a Dominant - ask a service oriented s-type friend for practice scenarios or sessions. This could be in a private setting, in public at a lifestyle type gathering, or even in a vanilla public area. For the latter, I would of course caution what service is being given/received. For something like chauffeuring, or running errands, or even just being a porter, no one will be the wiser if a Dominant has a service s-type carrying his or her bags.
You could ask a service oriented s-type friend to cook for a dinner party you are organizing. You would need to make many decisions before approaching a service s-type with such a request - such as, what type of event is it, what your budget is, how many invitees, what sort of menu etc. It is probably best to gain an understanding of what sort of style the service s-type you wish to “employ” enjoys - does he/she/they enjoy planning a menu, or do they want the direction? How much management is appreciated?
If you see a service oriented s-type at an event offering service, take the opportunity to engage with said s-type. They are most likely offering his/her/their services to practice, so by accepting the service - though you are under no obligation - you are helping them refine his/her/their service, or perhaps gain practical experience to see if what he/she/they imagined is actually feasible in a certain setting. This also gives you the opportunity to practice the art of allowing.
When approaching a service oriented s-type, it is recommended to either have an idea of what you could offer in return for service performed - keeping in mind that offering something in exchanged for service doesn’t necessarily mean play or sex - or at least be willing to reciprocate. When a service oriented s-type is offering service, he/she/they is willing to expend energy, so accepting the service doesn’t necessarily put you in the position of offering something in return, though it is always appreciated. If however you approach a service oriented s-type and specifically ask them to perform service, your request would be better received if the request was followed up by “And we should discuss what you would like to gain from our service interaction” - or something to that effect. Performing good service, that energy exchange, does take effort, and it should not be assumed that this effort or energy is replenished on it’s own, or by someone else. Certainly, service oriented submissives enjoy a job well done, we delight in you being happy, but there needs to be some care and feeding of the soul, to bolster the spirit of giving.
Being an unowned or single submissive or Dominant need not be a hindrance when it comes to the subject of domestic service submission. By being creative, a little forward thinking, as well as being confident, it is possible to engage with others, and experience the same service power exchange as those who are in committed service relationships. Don’t let being single be a speed bump in your service explorations, but rather let it be a launch pad to a wide and wondrous experiences of every variety.
No comments:
Post a Comment